Tumbling — Shades of Acceptance — 4

[toadstooltea]

>> G ( No Warnings ), Genfic, Mizuzawa & Ensemble.

In the weeks and months after the training camp incident, Mizusawa has eight impromptu heart-to-hearts with his teammates and friends. #homophobia, #coming out, #angst

I never know if this kind of thing is too preachy or not but it's something I wanted to try writing way back when after a discussion with another fan. Also this is probably a really American approach to homophobia in Japan but idk

Hino is...

Well, Hino wasn't there.

The star of the team wasn't truly part of the team until a few weeks after the training camp fiasco, when the rumors had run cold and everyone had mastered their reservations about Mizusawa. When the second-year starts to stick around, he gives no signs that he's aware of what happened, and for all Mizusawa knows, he might genuinely be out of the loop. Hino had been so aloof when it came to anything besides his gymnastics performance.

So Mizusawa is a bit surprised about what happens one Saturday, hanging out at Kamome. Someone's toying with the group date idea again, but everyone clamps their lips shut so quickly Mizusawa doesn't even remember who it was.

He looks from one of his friends to the other. All seem to be avoiding his gaze, either staring into their drink or shoving a spoonful of Natsuko-san's lunch special in their cheeks.

The only member that meets his gaze is Hino, and Mizusawa considers. He doesn't know.

But Ryousuke notices too.

"I guess it's kinda awkward now," he says, matter-of-factly. "Y'know, since he's gay and all."

Someone sputters their rice at the yankee table. Wataru's glaring at Ryousuke so hard, it looks like his eyes are about to fall right out of his head. The half of boys' faces that aren't glowing red from embarrassment or offense are drained and ghostly white. And again, no one can look at Mizusawa.

Except for Hino.

When their gaze tears apart, Hino looks into his tea, creased brows crossing his typically calm features like he's considering something. Mizusawa feels his throat getting parched and his heart pounding like a drum, the same as that Saturday at camp, the Saturday everyone found out--

"I heard about that," Hino replies flatly. "But it's not polite, saying that."

"Huh? I just told the truth. I didn't even mean it like--"

"It's a personal thing, Tsukimori-senpai. It isn't your prerogative to out him." Mizusawa studies the ice cubes floating in his own drink, when he notices. It's slight, but he's sure that there's a heated edge to Hino's usual coolness. "No one can take that right away from. I'd be livid if someone, for instance, took away my right to come out when I'd like."

About a minute passes and no one speaks, moves, breathes. The first indication that anyone even understood what the second-year said comes after the silence, when Wataru shoots to his feet so quickly his chair topples to the floor.

"You can't be serious! You're with Mari-chan," he shouts from across the room.

"Of course, Mari knows I've had times... I've liked both."

Ryousuke cocks his head to the side and narrows his eyes. "You swing both ways, you're saying."

Hino shrugs. "I suppose you could word it that way," he says, before nonchalantly taking another sip of his tea.

"Oh," goes Ryousuke, before mumbling an apology and reaching for his own drink.

And then there is a moment when no one says anything, until Kaneko laments about the pop quiz Kashiwagi sprang last week. The others are quickly agreeing when Mizusawa's eyes flit to Hino's direction, and he catches Hino's gaze on him.

It's not until they're outside on the road home that they're able to speak, and the second-year admits in that oddly-strained voice, "that's the first time I've ever admitted it like that."

Only then does Mizusawa look up, and really look to his teammate. The upturned nose and aloof gaze aren't there. No, there are cracks in Hino's armor; faint lines that Mizusawa recognizes all too well.

"Perhaps, if..." Hino starts, looking to the side. Mizusawa eyes him carefully, curiously, but his junior only shakes his head and turns back to him. "Thank you, Senpai."

Then he bows, and is on his way.

Mizusawa watches Hino until he's down block before he smiles to himself, and resolves himself to try and catch Hino more on the way home.

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